The Truth About Long Term Relationships

What I have to say in today's episode is going to piss some of you off. But it's also going to help a lot of you guys "get clear" on whether or not you truly want a long term relationship.

Why? Because what society teaches us a "long term relationship" should be, and what they really are, are two completely different things. Now, some of you guys are saying, "hey that's BS," and other guys, who've been through the "relationship wars" are saying," right on, King!"

And any divorce lawyers who are reading this are saying, "Shut the hell up now, you're going to ruin my business!" But, I don't care much for divorce lawyers anyways (never needed one, thank God), so I'm going to go ahead and say what I have to say.

What if everything you ever thought you knew about dating and relationships was just plain wrong? Would you keep doing the same things and getting the same results? Or would you try something new and radically different? To stop dating, and start living, go to


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Society conditions us from the very beginning of our lives that long term relationships are the end all, be all of life. "Love conquers all," romantic idealists love to blurt. My ass.

Now, I'm not "anti-long term relationship." Not at all. I think they're a good thing, IF both people understand what they're all about. And few people really do. Hardly anyone takes the time to think about what an "LTR" really entails.

Just about everyone thinks because they feel wonderful around the other person, they feel butterflies, they feel chemistry, they" click" that the time has come for a long term relationship because they have finally found "The One."

Nope, sorry, it's usually just the "Next One." Consider this: no one gets married with the expectation of divorce. Yet 50% of all marriages end in divorce, and many couples are miserable in their relationships, they just don't want to go through the hassle of divorce.

See, attraction actually has very little to do with the success of an LTR. Sure it has to be present to begin with, but after that it's really irrelevant. AND, not only is it irrelevant it's transient. Even the most loving married couples will admit that after about three years, the initial "high" of attraction wears off, and the relationship continues because of other factors. It's the "other factors" you have to consider for success of an LTR.

Factors like shared values, outlook, and goals in life, true mutual respect, genuine friendship, earned trust, the same living habits, and... both of you must be "oriented" towards the long term. And very few people actively think about these factors... "love conquers all," say the naive and the divorce lawyers start licking their chops.

Again, I am NOT opposed to long term relationships. I think they are a good thing if you have them for the RIGHT REASONS. What I am opposed to is, mistaking initial attraction, no matter how powerful, for a sign that the woman you're with is indeed "the one."

Keep in mind attraction comes with blinders. And the more powerful the attraction, the more powerful the blinders. You may not recognize values, habits, and life outlook in the other person that will be destructive in the long term because it feels so good in the short term.

So, here are a few questions to ask yourself before you get into an LTR:

  • What do I believe an LTR will allow me to experience?
  • Does this experience match up with reality?
  • Is there another way to experience the same thing that has nothing to do with an LTR?
  • Does the woman I'm considering an LTR with have the same values, outlook on life, and "relationship orientation" that I do? (Be brutally honest with this one)
  • Has she considered the long term consequences or is she making decisions based purely on a powerful feeling of attraction, and expectations set by society?
  • What does SHE believe an LTR will allow her to experience? "Us" to experience? Does that experience match up with my view of the experience, and reality?

Think about these questions really, really hard guys. They could save you a lot of pain and heartache. Or they could confirm a truly wonderful experience. But you need to ask them... or you will face the future consequences.

Remember, we all live in reality, not in the land of "should be's." And in reality, there's a huge reason why the divorce lawyer business is flourishing.

On with the fun....

-John Alanis
" The King of Let 'em Come to You"

PS Are you ready to step up to the Big Leagues and lead a lifetime of power and success with women? Then go to

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John Alanis
Art Of Steel, Inc.
4424 Gaines Ranch Loop #1514
Austin, TX, USA
512 892 8839 Phone