by Shelley McMurtry

Years ago I knew an older gentleman who had never been married. We both worked for a marketing research firm (this was prior to my business days). He was 53 & experienced in the company, and I was fresh out of college and barely 22.

Imagine the most "basic" person that you can possibly imagine... and that was this guy. The only way that I can describe it is that his energy and his personality was "flat". There were no ups, there were no downs, he just "was". And he floated along in life never challenging anything, never speaking his mind, always taking orders, and just accepting his mundane life.

He had been with the company for 19 years at the time I came on board. He had been promoted through the years to a Senior Analyst... the same position I had as soon as I entered the company directly out of college.

He was great at his job. His projects were always completed early and like clock work he showed up at the office each morning at 7:50 and he worked until 5:15. He came in whenever needed on Saturdays and Sundays. His desk was always picture perfect and orderly. He wore beige slacks every day with muted shirts, which actually matched his muted personality.

Once he even told me that he owned 5 slacks (Monday- Friday) 2 pairs of blue jeans (Saturday- Sunday), 5 shirts, and 3 T-shirts. And he did laundry each Saturday from 9:00am to 11:30am. I also found out that he ate breakfast at the same restaurant each Saturday at precisely 8:00am and he had been going to that same restaurant for 11 years. Are you starting to get the picture of how routine, boring, and mundane this man was???

Anyhow, slowly I got to know this man and I decided that it was my personal challenge to get him to liven up and enjoy life.

Shortly after I took on this personal challenge , I asked him if he dated anyone or if he ever had thought of getting married. He literally stopped walking, looked up towards the ceiling in intrigue and said, "Well, I guess I just never envisioned being married to anyone."

And that was my answer.... This man literally had never envisioned life any other way than its current state. He never even thought of other options.

Yes, he probably thought of other options when he was younger. But, as he got older he just accepted that life was what it was and that it wasn't going to change.

As I got to know him even better I found out that he was an avid reader, a published author, and he was active in several reading circles and groups. Weekly he went to a popular reading circle comprised of 40 or more men and women (predominately women). He was very well known there and read & spoke to the group frequently.

One evening he invited me along, and I just had to go and see how he interacted in a more public setting. He got on the podium to give his presentation and he did quite well. Afterwards a woman in her 50's approached him and cheerfully spoke with him. You could tell that she saw him there frequently and she loved his writing. I could also tell that she had a genuine attraction towards him.

As we left I asked him about her. He informed me that she had been part of the reading circle for about 3 years and that she was a very nice woman and also a fairly well known author.

Of course being the person that I am (and I even was back then), I asked, "Have you ever thought about asking her out, even just to meet you for a cup of tea sometime?"

He looked intrigued again and said, "I never really thought about it."

"Well, envision it." I told him.

Then, I though up an exercise for him. I instructed him to go home and write a story about him asking her out, and I told him to even go into detail of the subjects they speak about on this "envisioned date".

Sure enough the next day he came in at 7:50 and placed his story on my desk. "I did it." He said.

I read over it and it was very detail oriented. I went to his desk and told him that it was very good. He stopped me and said, "I now find myself very attracted to her, and I think I do want to ask her out. I can actually envision having tea with her."

And, that was all it took. He just simply had to envision his life differently. Once he envisioned his life and himself differently, he could also envision doing other things... like asking the woman from the reading circle on a date.

What you can "envision" yourself doing has a huge impact on what you are really able to accomplish. If you can't envision it, you can't accomplish it.

Can you envision making more money?
How do you envision yourself making that additional money?
Can you envision being happier?
How can you envision making yourself happier?
Can you envision yourself with that "one special woman"?
How do you envision yourself approaching that "one special woman"?

Questions like this are very important to not only ask yourself, but to actually fully envision.

I suggest writing them out in story form. Or, play them out in your mind. Concentrate on the positives and the true goal that you want to accomplish, but don't forget to envision the "small steps" that it takes to get to that 1 final goal.

Keep envisioning your goals/ dreams/ desires over and over. If you write them down in story form, read it each day. Also, envision yourself and the role that you will play in the task at hand. Envision yourself how you want to be!!

For instance...
Are you traditionally a nervous, uptight, and anxious person? Then start envisioning yourself as relaxed, cool, and collected.


Do you usually get a horrid stomachache each time you even come close to speaking with an attractive woman? Then start envisioning yourself with the ability to approach any woman, any where with a confident, collected, and secure feeling.

This is highly important men! And it can be used to improve many aspects of your life.

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