Where does Jealousy come from?
By Susie and Otto Collins
One question we're often asked about jealousy is--
"Where does it come from?..."
After all, for people who have jealousy as an issue it can sometimes be pretty intense and a little overwhelming.
Jealousy can affect every aspect of your life. Your home life, your work, your interactions with friends, associates and even total strangers. No matter how much we think jealousy is impacting the different aspects of our lives-- the truth is that it's probably creating bigger challenges than we realize.
It's always a big "ah-ha moment" for the people we work with in our relationship coaching practice who are jealous and working on overcoming it when we tell then about this one discovery we made about our lives many years ago that had nothing to do with jealousy but we use it as a teaching tool for helping people heal jealousy in their relationships.
This "teaching tool" is really one simple sentence that can provide the insight that can help you overcome jealousy and help you start creating closer and more connected relationships if you really understand the essence of what we're about to share with you.
So here's the sentence...
"Our past does not equal our future..."
We first heard this statement many years ago from Tony Robbins and we're sure he wasn't the first to say something like it but when it comes to overcoming and eliminating jealousy, this is a very important belief that we're going to want to adopt in our own lives.
Think about it-- if jealousy is continuing to be an issue in our lives, it's because we think that whatever happened in the past will just keep repeating itself over and over again.
Sometimes, it's not even anything from our past that we're fearful about. Sometimes it's just a fear that something will go wrong and we're focusing on this fear that something will go wrong to the point that this fear (and our resulting behavior) starts creating challenges for us.
If whatever is going on within us that brings up jealousy continues to happen over and over it because of one of two things:
1) Something really is going on in your relationship that needs to be changed, addressed or stopped or
2) You have the belief that whatever you're fearing will happen in your relationship and life will actually happen.
That's it. Nothing else.
If jealousy is present for you then it's one of those two things and the reality is that in almost every situation it's this focusing on the past that gets us in trouble.
Unless there is some actual agreement that has been broken or some behavior that continues to happen that is inappropriate in your relationship then what is most likely going on is that you are projecting your painful past into your unknown future.
For some people who are dealing with the issue of jealousy this can be scarry but it doesn't have to be and here's why...
If you are to overcome jealousy in your life (or make any change you desire for that matter) you just have to understand completely that your past does not have to equal your future.
The truth is that whatever you say to your self in your internal conversations in your head is what you're going to believe.
If you tell yourself over and over that your partner is going to be cheating on you at the next possible opportunity and you spend a lot of time focusing on that then-- guess what?
It's not your partner that's putting up barriers to intimacy and closeness--it's you.
You have the ability to change what ever isn't working in your life and make it better and this includes overcoming jealousy.
One way you can start doing this is to take this statement and new way of thinking and make it your "mantra of healing."
Create statements like these and repeat them often to yourself...
"My past does not have to equal my future..."
"No matter what has happened in the past, this moment is different and has nothing to do with past relationships or previous situations..."
"My fears about what will happen in my relationship have nothing to do with reality and am choosing to focus on the possibilities of love and joy instead of pain and heart break..."
There are many other things you can do to help you overcome and eliminate jealousy and this is just one of them.
If jealousy is an issue for you--the main thing we want to share with you in this message is that your past does not have to equal your future and what ever you fear will happen doesn't mean it will happen just because it's a possibility.
As we've said before, when you overcome jealousy, the reward for overcoming it is the possibility of more love in your life and of having a relationship that is better than anything you thought was possible.
Overcoming jealousy is possible and you can do it.
More later on overcoming jealousy...
Have a great day,
Susie and Otto Collins
Authors and Creators of the book and audio program "No More Jealousy" available at www.NoMoreJealousy.com
--Susie and Otto's Relationship Resources--
How To Overcome
and Eliminate Jealousy From Your Relationship and Your Life...